Wednesday, April 18, 2012

On A Thin Rope

Sitting in the compartment of express train back to Krakow from Warsaw, delayed eventually a full hour, I felt as if I realized that I have been walking on a thin rope recently, struggling to balance between my schedule and duties I imposed on myself during this short trip home - and a growing weariness and tiredness. I was falling asleep on the train, not really sleeping but rather finding myself in between and trying to recompose myself. The trip to Warsaw was shorter than I planned, but I have finished all agendas I wanted so I felt no need to stay any longer there. Still, traveling back to Krakow, I could not find happiness and satisfaction in me. Everything went well, so I should be beaming and glowing. Not the case though. I felt as a beaten up soldier who barely survived yet another battle and does not care anymore what happens next. I know I will go to bed in a short while and tomorrow I will wake up in a better shape, will go for the Mass to sisters' chapel, then the usual long to-do list will follow, with a building up sense and urgency that my time is running out and there are still important things to do, so my conscience does not accuse me on my way back to Tanzania that I backed up, relented and took it easy, thus jeopardizing the progress and future of the vision of Kiabakari. Well, this evening I do not know what I could have done better in Warsaw, I don't find any reason to accuse myself. Yet I am not happy, only tired and my evening prayer is - I commend everything that happened in Warsaw up to you, o Lord! Your will be done... Good night, folks...

1 comment:

  1. Dearest Wojciech
    This is meant to be a break for you and it sounds more exhauting than back at your mission base. Please do slow down so that you will be refreshed on your return to Kiabakari.You might have to let go of some things you had planned in order to build yourself up - sounds like you need a complete day of rest with no stress or business in hand. At least give yourself a few days of rest, and refreshment .Your mission will be ok as it is a very blessed place and you are a great labourer in the vineyard but even the vines take a rest so as to bear fruit the following year. I am sure your spirits will be uplifted after some rest - the old body can only keep going for so long at your pace but you have great resilience and you bounce back quick. In my prayers everyday and sending you lots of love and affection.Lena