Monday, September 3, 2012

The Abyss Of Silence

My blogging has become more and more difficult to me these days. No wonder why the pace of updating you with my life, work, thoughts, reflection, narration of the daily life in Kiabakari - has become a trickle instead of a river like steady flow of communication. It is not that I have run out of ideas or inspiration. Not at all. The real problem, as I see it and as I would like to phrase it, would be a growing need of silence in me. The more I get involved in the daily struggle in Kiabakari, parochial and spiritual life of my community, demands of various projects and challenges at hand, needs of my volunteers, groups, movements, parochial institutions and individuals - the more I desire to dive deeper into the abyss of silence and pure presence of the Real One. I know that I cannot completely detach myself from the demands of my active life, my duties and responsibilities, not yet at least, but the thought I had in me, persistent to the extent of consulting my spiritual director in my first year in the seminary to discern this spirit if it was good or bad (and he said it came from the evil spirit, because I was destined to the active service in the Church), is coming back to me in full force, thirty years after, pushing me to desire contemplative life in all its fullness and uncompromising nature. For some time, let's say - four years - this thought is ever present in me. And I wonder, if this is what will happen to me in the future, living the last part of my life in total seclusion and silence. I don't know, I will need real discernment and help from professionals in these matters, but I do not say 'no' upfront to it. I accept this notion and if God wants me there, I guess I will be ready. Please, pray for me so His Will be done, not mine.

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