The stone was put in place by men. The women coming to the tomb knew very well that they were unable to roll it away by their own power. They needed help of men to accomplish this task. The men were missing. Only by miracle of God they were able to witness the empty tomb and meet the angel.
Not every girl and woman in this world is that lucky to have angels at their disposal. That is why the anxious cry of the women of our times echoes in the world: 'Who will roll the stone away from the entrance?' The entrance to equality, to education, to love and respect, to decent jobs, to security and prosperity, to happiness and peace... Men put this stone blocking the entrance in most cases, and men are needed to roll it away!
This topic has been hot to me for long now.A few years ago I was at the beginning of my private research of the father figure crisis in the modern society and in Tanzania in particular. I was startled and left scratching my head by merciless statistics. The national census done in Tanzania in 2002 came as an alarming revelation to me. I learned from that census that in the span of merely 13 years (1989-2002) the percentage of families run by single mothers in Tanzania increased threefold up to 23%! Then on the day of Father's Day shortly after, I came across an article that touched and supported strongly what I believed already at that time. I quote it in extenso:
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CBN.com - Father's Day is a special time for many. On that day, folks across the U.S. take time to honor the millions of men who are loving, faithful dads. Unfortunately, many others don't celebrate the day, either because they don't know their father or have no desire to honor him. And more than one observer says there's a fatherhood crisis in America today.
Tonight, 34 percent of American children will go to bed without their biological father in the home. That means 24 million children. Many of them have moms who are doing the best they can to raise responsible children. But experts say we are fooling ourselves if we think we are not paying a price for absent fathers.
Rowland Warren said, "I grew up without my father. And I can say with confidence that kids have 'a hole in the soul' in the shape of their dads. And to this day, it still bothers me." It bothered Warren so much that he gave up a high-powered business career to become President of the National Fatherhood Initiative. It is a group committed to seeing that more children grow up with involved and responsible dads.
The U.S. leads the world in the number of single-parent families (my remark - I guess Africa is catching up fast in this area, regrettably). About 40 percent of the children from broken homes have not seen their fathers at all during the past year.
David Benabou has never seen his father, and he has spent much of his adult life in and out of jail for drug abuse. Benabou said, "I think it would have been easier for me to stay away from the drugs, and to stay away from falling into the 'easier choices,' if I would have had a caring, loving man in my life. I believe that." Benabou is one of an overwhelming majority of incarcerated men, 85 percent, who have no father figure. That statistic is borne out when you talk to the chaplains across the country serving in prisons and jails.
Long-time prison evangelist Bill Glass says that, of the thousands of inmates he has met in his 33 years of prison ministry, he has seldom met one who genuinely loved his dad. That doesn't surprise Steve Christenson, who serves as Senior Chaplain for a correctional center in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Christenson said, "I was actually shocked, one day recently, when an inmate approached me and said to me, 'Chaplain, you're the first positive role model I've ever had in my life.' And that stunned me, because I know how imperfect I am and yet he sees me as a father figure to him."
Patrick Morley is co-author of the book "The Dad in the Mirror." He said, "If you don't have enough time for your children, you are not following God's will for your life." The numbers may be decreasing, but there are men who are taking their role as dads seriously. Like the men attending a church retreat led by Morley. He says men need to make, what he calls, "deposits" into the lives of their children. And one of the biggest deposits they can make is encouragement. Morley said, "Men, I exhort you, in the name of Christ, encourage your kids with words. Tell them every day." He added, "There are two phrases that your kids ought to be hearing every day, multiple times, every day. And those two phrases are, 'I love you,' and 'I'm proud of you!' 'I love you,' and 'I'm proud of you!'"
Some of the men attending this retreat already are practicing what Morley preaches. Like Carlos Rodriguez, who sets aside a time every Sunday in his family for what he calls "blessing time. Rodriguez said, "Blessing Time is where we all sit around the table and we share what we love about each other. And our kids are young, so they just soak it up. They're like a sponge." He added, "When they were sharing about what they loved about their mom and dad, it had to do with playing with them, it had to do with tucking them in bed at night, with all these things that don't cost anything."
As children get older, hobbies that dad and the kids do together may require a small investment. For Scott Rigell, it meant buying some power tools for the woodworking he and his 15-year old son Justus do together. Rigell said, "We enjoy hanging out together. And I'd like to think, certainly on my part, I think we're real good friends. And I think he'd agree with that."
CBN News asked, "Do you agree with that, Justus?"
Justus Rigell replied, "I do. I do. I love hangin' out with my dad. It's not so much - I'm not always looking at him like he's punishing me. We can just hang out and have fun together, just like one of my friends."
Scott Rigell says one of his biggest challenges as a dad is making himself vulnerable and seeking forgiveness when he's been too harsh. Explaining, Scott Rigell went on, "Often times, the encouragement to do that comes from my wife. Terry will say, 'I think you were a little too tough on them right there. You know, I think he really tried. He didn't quite meet your expectations. I think you might need to go talk to him'."
I asked Justus, "What did it mean to you, that your dad came to you and asked for your forgiveness?"
Justus said, "It meant that he really cared. He wasn't just crackin' down-'one, two, three, this is how it's done, you need to do it this way.' I mean, he's really thinking about me and what I need. And it really made me feel good."
Rigell has been successful in business and provided well for his family. But, he has not let his career interfere with his role as husband and father.
Morley says no amount of success at work can compensate for failure at home. He has some simple advice for dads in that regard: 'Prioritize everything you do in life, based on who will be crying at your funeral.'
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This news shed initial light on this burning issue, seeming so important and so neglected by media and public opinion at large! I kept searching for more light on this problem. I found an interview on Zenit with a person who influenced me a lot in the way I perceive now the whole issue of father-daughter, father-son relationships and demolished what the world around me and media used to tell me in this regard! The next step was to buy online her book: 'Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know'. That person was Dr Meg Meeker and her another interview on the same topic is right here for you to go through. Her book is kind of must-buy-and-read-and-follow bible for every conscious father.It simply opened a totally new world to me in which everything made sense, yet it was contrary to what the common picture of the father is being thrown upon us in media, movies, soap operas, talk shows, books, everywhere...
I dug deeper and deeper and learned more ans more about the crisis of father figure in the modern world. This is alarming situation which we cannot overlook and took lightly... The voice of Dr Meeker echoed in other publications and researches, met with silence in the mainstream media, uncomfortable with the pure facts and data. Check for yourself. Below are three articles. I chose them on purpose, out of many. Each one deals with a specific area of child's welfare. Psychological/spiritual needs, physical/medicare needs and faith/religion needs. I am sure what you are going to read will shock you. It did shock me. Hard.
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The Importance of a Father in the Home
By: Amanda Lynn Geesey
Lord, the pain is too much to bear! I can't take this anymore; I have to get out. I tried to get his attention once before with the anorexia but he did not care then, so why would he care if I was alive or dead. Well, at least the pain will be gone. My heart hurts, there is no one to care, no one to love me. He left without a word, without a tear. He did not call on my birthday. He even misspelled my name on the first Christmas present he ever sent, and there was only one of those. His checks are supposed to buy his love, yet he never even sends them! He probably does not even remember my name, I know he does not know my hair color, eye color, whether or not I am tall or short, fat or skinny. God, I just pray I don't look or act anything like him.
People don't get it! They just make things worse! They criticize me and say "I am not right with God," because I miss my dad, yet in the same sense I hate him. Their lives are not perfect so why do they pick on me? I did not choose my life, but I can choose to end it. They say let God be my "Dad" well, I would like to see them try it. God cannot reach down and give me the hug I so desperately need and tell me that I am loved. My dad never told me that; he never said I was pretty or smart. He always wants to blame me for any "bad" thing that happens in his life though. Daddy never told me my body is mine and that no one should ever touch it in an abusive way. He never said that it is not okay even for a "Dad figure" to do that to his "daughter". When I try to reach out all I receive is rejection, so let's get it over with! I don't care about them or my dad, I hate him! Where is God now? Even God has rejected me and forgotten even about my existence. That's okay because the pain will be gone by tomorrow. How many should I take of these little guys? 10? 20? No, that is still not enough, okay, and 51,52,53,54,55 that should do it! Wow, I am starting to feel a little funny, "goodnight mom". The pain you never saw in me will be gone tomorrow.
Well, maybe the story above is just that to you - a story. Boys and girls around the country today are feeling and thinking exactly like that even right this very moment. The ones that it can hit the hardest are the ones like the girl in this story who did not have a father. Some children turn to suicide, some turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, robbery and maybe even some to murder. They try all these things to get rid of the pain, the pain of not having a father around who loves them and provides for them. The father is important in the growth and development of his children in many ways. He gives them their definition of normal; he affects each child's life in a different but equally important way. The father can affect his children in two different ways either negatively as in the story above or positively. He affects his children's development in three main ways: Spiritually, Physically and Emotionally. It is therefore vitally important for the father to realize how important it is for him to be in the home
God created man to be the leader of the home, the provider and the protector. In Scripture God commands a man to be "sober minded, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience." (Titus 2:2) The father is also commanded by God to love his wife, as God loves the church and gave himself for it. (Eph. 5:25-30) In I Peter 3:7, it says "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to the knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that our prayers be not hindered." The children are to look to their father especially for spiritual counsel and guidance. They receive this by watching their father's life as much as they do by talking to him. Many children will follow in the footsteps of their fathers when it comes to a belief in God or not. God put the father in the position as leader in the home, but the father is also a picture of God Himself. Gordon Dalbey in his book Father and Son: The Wound, the Healing, the Call to Manhood, states, "If I ask a man, how is your relationship with God? All too often, he replies God's out there with other people but he is not here with me. When I ask, how close was your father to you, in nearly ever case I hear stories of how Dad was never there for me." Charles Stanley one of todays most noted preachers; was affected by his father even though his father died when he was young. He was a workaholic for many years of his ministry. He actually worked so much that he worked himself sick; now he was out of commission and awaiting surgery. He says that when he was in the hospital God showed him that all these years he felt like he had to earn God's acceptance and love yet that is how he felt about his father before he died. Many teachers, preachers and councilors have said that the way a man or woman looks at God is a reflection on how they viewed their father. If they saw their father as an abusive, slandering person, then that is how they see God - always bringing down the hammer and pushing His way on them. If they saw their father as a loving father who never punished them, then, they will see God that way also. If they saw their father as someone who never paid any attention to them and did not care if they lived or died, that is exactly how they will see God. The impact the father has on his son or daughter's spiritual life is very evident and it must be treated with honor. Jesus stated in Matthew 18:6, "But whosoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it was better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."
The second way the father affects his children is physically. Yes, he helped create them when his sperm combined with the mother's egg and the baby was formed in the mother's womb, but the affect the father has on his children goes far beyond that. It goes to the way they act and think. It is a little different here for boys and girls. For boys the father's physical presence in the home is needed to teach the boy to be a man, to teach him how to play ball, to stand up for himself and what he believes in. He also teaches his son as he gets older how to treat a woman. Usually this is done not by words but by seeing how their father treats their mother. Dr. Schaller says that "Children often tend to imitate the same behavior as their fathers." This will affect the way they talk to a woman, look at a woman and treat her. The father is also to teach their sons what to do with sexual thoughts that creep up especially as the boy reaches his teenage years. If these boys are not taught what to do with these thoughts, then they will eventually become desires that are too strong to run from.
Girls are a little different when it comes to the physical needs that they have, their problem is the hardest to define and cure. When a baby girl is born, she is very aware of her femininity. This may changed though because of her father's attention or lack thereof. If the father is degrading to the mother and always putting her down, then the girl is going to regret being a girl and going to reject her femininity. She may do this by being a tomboy or by flaunting her body to get male attention. Wright says it this way "Fatherless girls usually are seductive and show tension. They are very assertive, usually in inappropriate ways. They crave a male's attention and they talk to them, and hang around them more." An abusive father teaches her that she is a play toy and that she deserves to be beaten and sexually assaulted. God has created women with a need to be loved by a man that only God totally understands, and it is very important that she gets that attention in the proper way from her father instead of from some other person who will probably take advantage of her. She needs to be touched, hugged, petted and cared for in a godly way by her father! A father also affects the way his girl thinks of her body, whether she thinks she is the hottest thing from here to kingdom come, or the ugly duckling. For this reason alone many girls struggle with eating disorders and other such problems. The girls are likely to suffer many other physical problems, which stem from the lack of emotional support and love from their fathers. Some of these problems include such things as TMJ, sleeping disorders, tension, and migraine headaches.
The last major way that the father affects his children is emotionally. Schaller says, "Some fathers deplete rather than give. A father who beats, molest, verbally degrades, disrupts the stability of the home by his alcohol, gambling, drugs, or moodiness is an anti- father. He sucks the life from the veins of his family; he functions as an emotional black hole. He steals the carefree laughter of childhood. Such a father produces a large amount of psychic orphanhood in his children facing them to function as emotional orphans even though both parents are still alive." Many of the things that a boy faces, a girl will face too, but it may have a different twist to it.
The boys who do not receive a lot of emotional support tend to be very controlling and have a lack of trust. They feel like they must be better then everyone else at everything they do. A lot of time it comes from the pushiness of the father to do well at something. When they fail at something, they are degraded and put down; they carry that even into adulthood. A father teaches a boy how to be a man, yet the boy also needs some love and affection. Most often a man who grew up in an abusive home becomes as anti-male as any woman's activist group. Most of the women in the anti-male activist group are fathered similarly. Therefore this makes a man think too much on his femininity and sometimes-even leads to men being gay. Schaller reports in his book that "fathers of homosexual sons are reported to be less affectionate than fathers of heterosexual sons." A father affects his son in many ways emotionally whether it is by encouraging him or belittling him.
The same thing goes for a girl except usually she is not pushed in the same ways. The girl will usually be discouraged about her physical appearance. Wright states in his book Always Daddy's Little Girl that "when a father exists in his daughter's life for some reason, he vacates one of the most significant roles he should play in her life: the development of her autonomy and independence." He helps her be free from depending on her mother for her every need! He teaches her about her body, that it is okay to mature and become a woman! He can give her emotionally reassurance by telling her that she is pretty, that he likes her outfit, or that she looks really good in something. All these things give the daughter a feeling of worthiness and love. It teaches her that she deserves respect and that she is not a play toy but a person.
Children always live with the feelings of hurt and anger or of pride and joy. Both boys and girls will struggle with trust, if their father is not active in the home. The daughters' struggle will be more apparent especially when it comes to dating. Many girls from divorce homes have a really hard time trusting men. When they begin dating, it makes them question every comment and action. It makes it extremely hard on the young man who is dating her to really get to know her because she feels that he is only going to reject and abandon her like her father did. When they finally open up to a guy and get married, they go in with unrealistic expectations of their husband. They are usually looking for their husband to be more of a father figure then anything else. Many girls will refuse to get married and will live the rest of their life in fear of rejection from a man. She also does not know how to respond to a man's touch. It will feel so good yet freak her out; sometimes this can even cause a marriage to end in divorce. Girls, who have inactive fathers in their lives, struggle with feelings of abandonment, doubt of self worth, feelings of being a failure. They try to keep their family together to the point that it tears the family apart. They hold onto friends and use them to supply their physical and emotional needs.
Both the son and daughter will learn from their father characteristics that they will take with them for the rest of their life. Both children will struggle with feelings of anger, trust, and the fear of being intament with anyone. These feelings bring about a lot of other emotional and physical problems such as: depression, suicidal thoughts, addictions, suspicion, passive/aggressive personalities, anxiety/ panic attacks, low self esteem, phobia, sexual dysfunctions, extreme dependency, inability to play or have fun, people pleasing, inability to be assertive, approval seeking, and identity confusion. Many children, girls especially, will be very withdrawn because they are scared of having close friends and being intament with anyone. Their view of God, and even of sexual things, is very distorted. Fathers supply more needs then they will ever be able to know just by being there, caring, loving and being supportive of their children. They teach their girls who they are, can and are becoming, how to get where they want to go and what treatment to demand along the way. They teach their sons how to feel, think and act towards a woman, how to be a man, and how to serve God. A child's feelings of inadequateness can hinder his social and spiritual life and these feelings usually come from a way a father responds emotionally to the needs of his children.
Fathers supply many needs for their children, and their presence as well as their support is needed in the home. Not only is it important for a father to be in the home but also to be an active part in his children's life. You see, I can tell you from experience that when the father is not present and active in the home, the child suffers. The story above is not made up; it is true. You see that girl's name is Amanda, that girl is me I am now seventeen years old and go to West Chester Christian School. Until recently this is exactly how I felt. I still struggle with feelings of abandonment, hurt and distrust of men. God has proven Himself faithful though and has showed me that He is loving, forgiving, caring and that not only am I in the palm of His hand but my name is willingly engraved on the palm of His hand that I will never be forgotten. There is hope for these kids, but the fathers of this generation need to realize that they are important and that they can make a big difference in their kids' lives, whether they live or die, and how they go about doing so. The church also needs to see this need and reach out to the fatherless and love them. Make them feel loved; give them the human support they need so that they can be pointed to God. Many times it takes someone who is willing to sacrifice a little to help these children be able to see God and make Him their father. God uses people to show his love, are you? Matthew 18:6- "But whosoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." These children are important to God, so fathers, now is the time to step up to the plate and show your kids Christ!
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The impact of fathers on children's health care
HOUSTON, June 12, 1997-- Cough-syrup commercials featuring "Dr. Mom," tout the healing properties of the maternal bond, so how can a busy father play a role in keeping his children healthy?
Dr. Joseph Garcia-Prats, neonatologist at Texas Children's Hospital and himself a father of ten sons, stresses that fathers need to realize there are more aspects to their children's well-being than medical health. "Emotional well-being, mental and social vitality, along with physical fitness are all equally important as the medical aspect of health," said Dr. Garcia-Prats. Dr. Garcia-Prats makes the following recommendations for fathers and male caregivers to ensure the health of their little ones.
1. Make your children a priority in life. When children feel they are important, their self-esteem blooms.
2. Teach by example. If you want your children to be courteous and respectful of others, then you should act that way.
3. Take a good look at your child. At the dinner table, notice their demeanor, look for dark circles under the eyes. Sometimes a sudden change in behavior can indicate a potential health problem.
4. Read over immunization requirements. Although your children may not want to get a shot, that injection can prevent them from getting a serious, life-threatening, preventable illness.
5. Nurture your child's spiritual life whatever your spiritual beliefs. Let children know there is more to life than material gain. Teach them a sense of right and wrong and encourage them to use their talents to help others.
6. Accept each child as an individual. Each child has different talents that can be nurtured.
7. Watch the evening news. Has anyone reported an outbreak of a certain virus or a recall of a popular toy? By keeping an eye out for potential hazards, you can prevent your child from getting sick or hurt in the first place.
8. Get involved in your child's activities. Ballet. Soccer. Ask your children to teach you something about their chosen activities.
9. Take your children outside. Although allergies and heat are as much a part of Houston as the Rockets, throwing a ball or going to the park early on a Saturday morning before the temperature hits 90 degrees gets them moving and can be more meaningful than watching cartoons. Even a picnic or tent in the backyard where father and children can play a game is a worthwhile activity.
10. Hug them. A daily dose of Vitamin "T" (for touch) and a simple "I love you" can go a long way in keeping children healthy.
"Simple, but meaningful, moments with your children will increase their happiness and, consequently, their healthiness," adds Dr. Garcia-Prats.
A 456-licensed bed non-profit hospital, Texas Children's Hospital is the nation's largest pediatric health care institution with more than 50 pediatric specialties and subspecialties. Texas Children's Hospital is dedicated to providing the finest possible pediatric patient care, research and education.
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The Domestic Church: The Critical Importance of the Father
By: Brendan Koop
In interludes of home information, I would like to blog (read here) about issues of importance and interest for faithful families who try to model themselves as the "domestic Church." So this will be the first in a series of topics to discuss issues relating to family life as the domestic Church, which will always be accessible in "Search by Topic" in the sidebar, under "Family as the Domestic Church."
In our culture of political correctness, it isn't very politically correct to simply note that men and women are different. Not just physically different (which, though obvious, is still hard for some people to get over), but intellectually and behaviorally different. Men and women are equal in human dignity, but are not the same. Though one is not better than the other, there are real differences between the sexes which allow each to compliment the other (as God created us). One of the largest inherent areas of difference between the sexes, in general, is in parenting. That topic of the differences between men and women and the way they parent, and the necessity of both styles of parenting in forming children, is too large to go into here. But there is one aspect of this topic that is often overlooked and isn't given the "press" that is desperately needed; that is, the critical role of the father in forming children in the Faith.
To say that the father is critical in his role of passing on the Faith to his children is to say that the father literally makes or breaks the faith life and faith education of the children of a family. Multiple studies have been done on church attendance of children (once adults) depending on the attendance level of their mother and father, all with the same conclusion: as the father goes, so go the children. A very good article on one such study can be found here. Here's the data, where for all cases the mother attends church regularly:
The drop in regular church attendance of the children (once adults) if the father does not attend regularly is dramatic (despite in all cases the mother attending church regularly). From the article I link to above:
"Curiously, both adult women as well as men will conclude subconsciously that Dad’s absence indicates that going to church is not really a "grown-up" activity. In terms of commitment, a mother’s role may be to encourage and confirm, but it is not primary to her adult offspring’s decision. Mothers’ choices have dramatically less effect upon children than their fathers’, and without him she has little effect on the primary lifestyle choices her offspring make in their religious observances."
Even more interesting, here's the data on regular church attendance of children who's father attends regularly:
There's almost the opposite affect of the mother's attendance and the children's (where the father attends regularly in each case). The children's loyalty to their father increases in response to their mother's decreasing church attendance. There's many more statistics in the article I link to above. All of this is not to belittle the role of the mother in the children's faith lives, only to point out the different roles that are clearly inherent to the father and mother in passing on the faith, and the differences in which children react to the actions of their father and mother in regard to faith.
What does this mean for the family wishing to live as the "domestic Church"? The father must be engaged and active in his faith, or there's very little chance the children will grow to live the Faith themselves. Earthly fathers best model the "fatherly" love of our Heavenly Father, and thus our Heavenly Father has given earthly fathers a special role, by design, in passing on the Faith to every generation. This means that, despite all societal pressure otherwise, Christians need to once again embrace the fact that the father must be the "spiritual head of the family." Wives need to encourage their husbands in this role, and fathers need to be willing to embrace this role and live it fully. Fathers need to lead family prayer, pray at family gatherings, read scripture with their children, explain the mass, take their kids to adoration and confession.
St. Joseph, earthly father of our Lord, pray for all fathers to be faithful to their calling and to live the Christian life to its fullest, so that their children may see their example and in turn come to know, love, and serve Jesus Christ.
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Whenever I preached on this topic, giving homilies, talks, retreats, speeches, always, and I mean always, men and women were coming to see me afterward asking for copies of my text. They were touched, shaken, moved, thanking for sensitizing them on this absolutely crucial issue for the proper formation of our kids.
I do hope this post will open your eyes too. Feel free to quote it and copy it. Thanks in advance for linking your copies back to this blog.
God bless you, Dads! Please, do not go away! Stay! We need you!
'Who will roll away these stones for us?'
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