Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Hollow Profile

I don't know what kind of words I should use to describe how I feel on the eve of my departure for return trip to Tanzania...I've been sitting here, staring at my laptop, trying to verbalize my feelings and the general sense of hollowness....

The past three weeks I spent in Poland drained my physical and emotional resources completely and the last day in Kraków has been particularly hard on me. I feel like a hollow profile. Though from the outside I may seem to people composed and resourceful, determined and agile, yet deep down in me I just stare at emptiness...


Torn between a desire to go back to Kiabakari and a desire to stay with my Dad, relatives and friends... Still, these desires are subdued...not violent, more like forces raging in a resigned person to his fate...

I tried my best in those past three weeks...in a hospital, in a wedding Mass and the reception, in my trip to Austria, in visiting here and there...demanding schedule, lot of things to go about, duties, responsibilities, and very little of rest if any...no, I do not want to complain or pity myself...just wrapping up realistically the whole time in Poland, thanking God for everyone and everything...and giving up everything to God, so His will may be done in all this...

So, feeling right now like a hollow profile, but hoping that the Lord will refill me up again, ready to move on and fight...

It's closing on midnight and I haven't even looked at things to pack...They aren't that many anyway... Very well, as I dislike packing passionately!


I guess this will be done in early morning, around 5 am as usual...

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